We appreciate and have incorporated into our daily lives the phrase; train up a child in the way they should grow and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22 v6). This verse purports that lessons learned during youth will affect the adult that a child becomes. Many persons when quoting this verse, do so from the background that all things in youth are positive. There are so many things that happen in our childhood that are both good and bad. Should the bad be ignored and emphasis placed on only the good? Do only the good things affect the adults we become or do all the experiences in our youth dictate our adulthood?

Well, based on experts, both good and bad childhood experiences influence the adult one will become. The type of adult a child becomes is not dependent on whether only good or only bad things happen to them, the adult a child becomes weighs heavily on how the individual responds to and deals with the bad and the good things that are experienced during childhood.

You may be thinking, “You don’t know what I went through. My childhood trauma (s) lives with me every day”. Well, I, like many people, have encountered horrific events in my childhood. Events that could break me, but they never did because I simply didn’t allow it. I refused to be a victim of my circumstances. I knew the person I wanted to be, the life I wanted to have, and I put steps in place to make sure it happened. My trauma has not left me, but I became who I am, despite it.

Before we delve further into recovering from childhood traumas, let’s backtrack a little to truly understand more about childhood, good vs bad childhood, childhood traumas, and rising above them to become the adult of our dreams.

What is Childhood?

Childhood is defined as the period from the end of infancy (around age 2) to the beginning of puberty (around age 12). However, in most countries, a child is defined as a person who is under the age of eighteen. The concept of childhood is defined as the early stages of a person’s life characterized by “innocence, vulnerability, and development. During this time, a child needs the protection and care of adults because of their physical and emotional immaturity”. [American Psychology Association]

The concept of childhood has changed as time progresses and varies in different regions across the world. What were normal childhood experiences and expectations in 1887 or 1967 may be unacceptable today. What is acceptable for a child to do or be in North America may be illegal in Senegal, e.g.

Good Childhood Vs Bad Childhood

What makes a childhood good or bad? Is it how parents parent? Is it access to financial and other resources, or is it the experiences? … Whenever my husband and I recounted our childhood experiences, he would always end by saying, “I had a great childhood”. Depending on my mood, I would be happy for him. However, sometimes I felt like he was showing off because my childhood was very far from great.

When I asked my husband, why was your childhood so great? He responded by saying, “My parents were poor farmers. We did not always have food on the table, but I grew up in a loving, safe environment where I was able to just be, to grow and do things at my pace, explore, discover new things, and be mischievous, albeit to my mother’s discontent, … I was happy”.

Conversely, my childhood was anything but. My parents had a rocky relationship and separated when I was young, which resulted in my mother having to raise six children on minimum wage. There were days when we didn’t eat, days when we would go to school barefooted, days when my parents had terrible fights, and days when our safety was uncertain… among so much more…. In a nutshell…my childhood was not a great one.

Good Childhood

Childhoods are influenced by nurture and nature. The genes you are born with and the environment in which you were raised both influence childhood and ultimately the adult one becomes. According to parentingofthebrain.com, a happy childhood creates a well-adjusted adult who has social skills, emotional intelligence, elevated self-esteem, and improved creativity, among others.

A good childhood is denoted by an environment in which the child is supported by parents, can express themselves, and develop naturally, both physically and emotionally. A good childhood is not free from disappointments or sadness, as these assist in the development of the whole person. However, a good childhood is primarily positive, with the negative things being the exception.

Bad/Traumatic Childhood

A bad childhood is one in which a child may encounter a variety of negative experiences. This may include an unstable home where the child’s safety is not guaranteed; The child is not encouraged to develop naturally, with their identity and outlook on life being heavily influenced by others. A bad childhood creates lonely adults who have trust issues and trouble forming and keeping healthy relationships.

Some persons may use the term bad and traumatic childhood interchangeably. However, a bad childhood may include negative experiences, such as neglect or emotional abuse, but it may not cause long-term consequences. Traumatic childhoods, in contrast, include physical, psychological, or sexual abuse, or witnessing violence, among others. These may have long-term effects on mental and physical health.

Healing from Childhood Trauma

Unresolved childhood trauma can cause mental health issues, relationship struggles, and substance abuse. These do not go away on their own it stays with an individual for the entirety of his/her life.

It is recommended that professional help be sought to deal with childhood trauma. However, if you cannot seek professional help, here are a few tips you can implement to start the healing process.

1. Develop a support system: Surround yourself with people who understand your struggles and care about you. This could be friends, family members, or even a support group.
2. Practice self-care: Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This includes any activity that helps you relax and feel good about yourself, such as exercise, meditation, journaling, or a hobby.
3. Develop healthy coping mechanisms: Find ways to deal with stress and triggers that do not involve harmful behavior, such as talking to a trusted friend, going for a walk, or practicing breathing exercises.
4. Educate yourself: Learn about trauma and its effects, and how to overcome it. There are many resources available online and in books that can help you understand your experiences so that you can heal.
5. Be patient and kind to yourself: Healing from childhood trauma is a journey, and it takes time and effort. Be gentle with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way, remembering that healing is possible, and you are not alone.

Conclusion

I know so many people who have had terrible childhoods and have thrived in adulthood. I also know a few individuals who could not cope with the weight of the experiences they had as a child. They were overcome. Some turned to drugs, and some simply gave up on life.

I have had experiences in childhood that haunt me to this day. Some things are still triggering. When this happens, my mood and entire disposition change. In a nutshell, I am still healing from my trauma and I have accepted the fact that some things may never go away. Regardless of that, I have led a happy, fulfilled life. My trauma now is just a footnote in the story of my life.

If you are still dealing with trauma and cannot see your way out, please talk to someone. If the tips I shared earlier do not help, find a counselor, a pastor, or someone you trust and know that you are not what happened to you. Know that you will overcome and look back at today with a smile, knowing that you overcame and rose above your circumstances.

Life is there to be lived. You can be happy again. It just starts with one step.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”. – Isaiah 41:10 

Selah!